(Satire) Archbishop Hannan experiences grave loss: Wormate.io

March 26, 2018

Last week, Archbishop Hannan lost a very important member of the school community.

On March 26 the school’s technology department squashed some of the student’s biggest (or smallest, depending on how good you were) friend.

Wormate.io, an online worm eating game, was recently blocked from being played on the iPads because of over activity of the game on the network.

“What does ‘io’ even mean?” said freshman Spencer Georges. “Insanely awesome? Wait, awesome doesn’t start with an O. It’s one of life’s greatest mysteries.”

There have been many online games that have been blocked, but this one hurt the most.

The students have felt like they lost something that made them happy during the school day. The battle between the students to get to number one on the leaderboard drove them to great achievements.

“Students feel betrayed by the faculty. They feel the faculty wants them to suffer,” said sophomore Dane Loup an avid player and a frequent member of the fabled “Top 10.”

“Wormate was what kept me going through the day. The adrenaline I would get from seeing myself on the leaderboard was like no other. It will be missed by not only me but literally the entire student body,” said freshman Morgan Reese.

The Archbishop Hannan student body will not rest to find a new game to keep their minds active and their teachers on edge about paying attention in class.

The students want a fun game to keep them happy in those boring classes that mean nothing to them.

“Wormate taught me more math this year than I’ve learned in my entire life,” Georges said. “I mean, 2x, 5x, 10x – you have to know how to add so you can get to No. 1.

“This game was gasconading.” (For more information on this word, check out Spencer’s Word of the Day.)

A school walk out has been scheduled for next week during Spring Break.

“Come out to the Victory Bell at 6:39 a.m. on Tuesday of Spring Break and we’ll be out there protesting this grave injustice,” said senior Olivia Maurer.

“We want worms, we want worms, we want worms,” chanted sophomore Brian Sisson.


2 Responses to “(Satire) Archbishop Hannan experiences grave loss: Wormate.io”

  1. Roland Sternfels on March 26th, 2018 3:03 pm

    This is indeed a tragic loss. We must mourn and make our own Wormate! Wormate is love, Wormate is life my dudes

  2. Colin Fernandez on March 26th, 2018 11:32 pm


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